Our mailbags have really been bursting with… um, mail this week. It seems like you have an extra lot to say on our “Topic of Focus” last week, which was, “Is the number 7 funnier than the number 38?” Some of you got quite worked up about this, especially a Mr Frogget of Lancaster, who thought we’d asked about the number “70” instead of “7”. Don’t worry, Mr Frogget, we’ll come on to that next week.
“Dear Sirs, I am writing to you, to complain in the strongest possible terms about the government's plans to introduce a tax on gravity. As someone who uses gravity regularly - my hobby, job and style of life all involve gravity to a certain extent - I feel I will suffer under this new tax. I can tell you now, in no uncertain terms who I will be voting for next election: Not our current government!” Says Timothy Fiddle from North Yorkshire
“Many of you have appeared angry at this controversial new tax. The Dailyness too will suffer if this is introduced, that is, if we want to still contine you have gravity pumped into our house. There is one question The Dailyness asks, namely: How will the government cut off our gravity supplies if we do not pay the tax?”
“I don’t think you have anything sent in from the public at
all, and you just make all these quotes up,” says Michael Verdant from
Cheshire
“Well Michael, I think we’ve just disproved your point there. Eh?”
Which way should doors open?
“And just when we were thinking the members of the public couldn't have any opinions left inside them, we received another avalanche of a message, this time from a Dr. Captain Moustache .” He writes:
“Dear Editor,
I have an interesting response to your topic of doors opening inwards or outwards, you see, I am a Doctor of Door-Openingology and the avergae person would wather have a small elf who gets out of the way when people want to come in. I hope I have been of assistance.”
“Is that true Dr Captain? How very interesting. Have you had any experience of elfs instead of doors? Maybe you are an elf with a job to replace doors. If so, drop us a message, at the usual address.”
Star Letter
“Dear editor,
My line of work does indeed involve doors. I am a car designer, and as you would know, most car doors open outwards. However, I am trying to change all of this. I am currently working on designing the world's first ever inward door opening car! And before anybody tries to beat me to it - I have patented the idea! And as for a funny story about doors, well I explained to one of my colleagues about my inward door-opening scheme, and showed him a regular Ford Mondeo. He believed this was the car with the door opening inwards - and let's just say his nose will never be the same again! But looking at other e-mails you have received - an elf replacing a car door may also be a worthy idea...
” Says Jay from Chatteris
“Much as we hate to be the party poopers here, The Dailyness can spot several design flaws in a car, in which the doors open internally. Most noticeably, closing the door once you're inside the car. Well, no doubt you know best, Jay. For your letter, you receive this week's Star prize of a "Stir Fry Poodle" set. Perfect for the lover of canine cuisine.
So, does anyone out there plan to buy one of these cars? Maybe you've already put in your order. Write, to the USUAL ADDRESS...”
“The doors opening internally has proved difficult as you quite rightly spotted, at the moment this idea is only being designed for use in larger cars such as land rovers, vans and even limousines. However, our top design team (myself being the team leader) are currently working on using this idea with smaller cars and to use it for increased safety. I would be happy to inform you of all the latest news and developments as they happen if you wish.
” Says Jay from Chatteris
“We'd really like to say that's it's great to hear from you again, Jay, but that would be a lie. As fascinating as your research and patented idea are, we are putting a new Topic of Focus up. If you wish to purchase one of Jay's "new" cars, please contact him directly, not through The Dailyness”
Should it be made illegal to wear hats indoors?
“This seems to be a very popular as well as philosphical topic. We've had a deludge of letters. And it's from Becca from Fieldville.” She writes:
“If you are short then wearing a hat indoors, or even at all, could be hazardous as you have to tip your head so far back to look over the hat and up at people that you could end up losing balance and falling over backwards, looking like a complete idiot!”
This week’s Topic of Focus is “Should it be made illegal to wear hats indoors?” Maybe just some types of hats. What do you think? Maybe you have a funny story involving hats worn by someone while inside. Fill in the form below or drop us an e-Mail at Dailyness@emailaccount.com This weeks star letter prize is perfect for the amateur gardener who likes to plant flowers while getting washed it's this "Bathroom hand and face trowel". If you want to be in with the chance of owning one of these, you know what to do: SPEAK YOUR BRAINS TO US.
So, fancy your views aired on the Dailyness? Drop us an e-Mail, or fill in the form below, and whack the submit button.
“The Dailyness: like a pot full of stew, but with facts instead of stew, and pages instead of a pot”
